Forgive
by Shirayuki
Summary: "You're protecting the dead and killing the living, how's that justice?"  How does Lunamaria cope with the man who tried to kill her only sister? How does Shinn overcome his past and stop venting his anger on everyone else?  Shinn x Lunamaria.


**Author's Note:** **Author's Note: **Yay, I re-uploaded this fanfic that I did so long ago (and hidden in my harddrive for safekeeping). It was my first attempt at this pairing and I felt like some explanation was necessary for the whole Shinn and Lunamaria relationship. Basically it starts off from the middle of episode 44 of Gundam Seed Destiny and strays off from there. So the first 1/3 of the story is sort of a recap with a little twist. Hope those of you who have read it will feel nostalgic and those of you who haven't enjoy it!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gundam Seed and/or Gundam Seed Destiny. They belong to Fukuda and his minions- I mean...

* * *

**Forgive**

"Aside from that, there are other things we need to think about." The emotionless ZAFT said as he made his way around the couch and sat down next to his black-haired partner, flipping his laptop monitor open for the other two to see.

"Eh?" The pair of violet eyes turned their attention over to the blonde. Red eyes followed suit as they fell on Rey Za Burrel.

"The Freedom and Athrun Zala."

"A- Athrun?" Lunamaria Hawke repeated the name, her eyes widened. _'But Athrun was…'_

Shinn Asuka's shoulders twitched as he looked to the ground. He knew the name was going to be brought up sooner or later, though he had hoped for the latter.

"Ahh." Rey simply nodded, typing away on the keyboard to bring up information regarding the mobile suit their ex-leader was piloting in not too long ago.

"What do you mean by Athrun?" Lunamaria looked over at Shinn, as if demanding some sort of explanation. But Shinn on the other hand seemed to be avoiding her eyes. _'Athrun? Isn't he dead? Didn't Shinn kill him and… and Meyrin...'_

"He's alive and on the Arcangel." Rey answered shortly, not at all impressed or surprised by the news he was giving.

"What?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. How was this possible? Shinn didn't mention any of this to her at all! She stared blankly in shock.

Rey turned the screen around to show Lunamaria the image of Justice and its profile. "The one piloting this unit was… him."

Meyrin…Then Meyrin is... Her throat felt dry. Gulping, she managed to make out the words. "Then Meyrin too?" The girl's heart leapt, beating faster as she waited. For a moment there she even forgot to breathe. "Is Meyrin alive too?" The few seconds wait seemed like it lasted eternally as her eyes shinned with hope and worry. She could be alive! _'Please be alive, please be alive.'_

Shinn twitched as another yet so familiar name was brought up. A wave of guilt poured over him, and yet he remained silent, trying to blend into the air to avoid the conversation.

"Saa, I don't know about that. But if she is, there's a chance that she's on that ship." Again, Rey took the courtesy of answering since Shinn failed to show any sign of response.

Shinn was too lost in his own thoughts. Athrun and Meyrin, who he once killed, or at least thought he killed, are both alive. A part of him was relieved that he hadn't in fact killed Lunamaria's sister, but another part of him couldn't forgive what they had done to ZAFT. Alive or not, it still didn't change the fact that they're traitors. But more importantly, he couldn't bring himself to look at Lunamaria, not for after what he had done. He wasn't able to bring himself to tell her about meeting Justice in battlefield… He knew she'd never forgive him after this.

Lunamaria slumped to the ground and gasped, gaping unbelievingly at Shinn. Why didn't he tell her? Why? She too had been lost, not knowing what to think of the whole situation back when she heard that Shinn had destroyed Athrun and Meyrin. How could she forgive him for what he had done? But she knew she wasn't the only one suffering. Athrun, maybe, but to attack Meyrin is not something Shinn would do. Had she been in Shinn's place, she would've been ordered to do the same. Though whether or not she'd actually be able to carry out the mission was another story. But, but…

But he knew! He knew she was sleepless and anxious every night since Meyrin's disappearance. Just the thought of the slightest possibility that she might've been alive was more than enough suspense the poor girl needed, and Shinn knew! She had told him everything. Instead of trying to sort out her own emotions, she even drew out time to counsel him, telling him it wasn't his fault. How… How could he keep something like this a secret?

Rey packed up his laptop and without another word, stood up and left the room, leaving Shinn and Lunamaria alone, although not before repeating the word he said before he entered, "all I need to know is that the chairman is right."

There was a long moment of pause before the burgundy-haired pilot started, looking at him. "Shinn…" Her stare was piercing through him, as if she could see everything clearly into Shinn's mind. "You… You knew?" Shinn didn't say anything, just tightened his hands into fists, still trying to keep his attention to the oh-so-very-fascinating tiles on the ground. "You knew?" Louder this time and yet again, her words were returned by silence. She might as well speak to the wall for that matter. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't have time," the boy finally responded lamely, still avoiding eye contact, "and there was Lacus Cly-"

"I don't care about Lacus Clyne! How could you not have told me about Athrun and Meyrin! You… You…" She couldn't help but let the tears that were bottled up inside of her for so long slip. All the tension that's been built in her slim structure seemed to have vanished in an instant. "I can't believe you." Her words full of disappointment were like a sharp arrows shot straight through Shinn's heart.

"Luna…" He looked at her just as she got up. Her eyes met his. They were full of sorrow, anger, regret, and betrayal. It hurt just watching those pearls roll down her face. Without another word, she closed her eyes and left.

"Luna, wait!" But it was too late when he finally gathered in what he had done. By the time he had re-opened the door, she was already out of sight. He stood there, staring at the empty corridor and cursed at his own stupidity.

Lunamaria ran down the hallway until she reached her own room that she once shared with Meyrin. She sped by so fast that even Youlan and Vino hardly got the chance to ask what was wrong. The two mechanics exchanged confused looks. "Was Luna… crying?" Vino asked, rather surprised yet concerned at the same time. He's never seen Luna cry before. She always seemed to be so confident and strong, never allowing others to see her weak side.

Youlan patted his friend on the shoulder and shook his head. "You better leave her alone." And his advice Vino took, which was most likely for the better he figured. Besides, their ignorance had only caused fuel to fire in the past, and if anything mechanics are good for, is learning from their mistakes. The last time they gave their sorry opinion to Lunamaria, she ended up chasing them half way around the battleship.

The moment the pilot stormed in her room, she locked the door behind her. Leaning her back against the entrance, her numb body collapsed to the floor. She pulled her legs to her chest, and buried her face in her knees, sobbing quietly as her shoulders shook. "Meyrin…" She wasn't sure what to do anymore. Her head was spinning from all the possibilities swimming in her mind.

Images flashed before her eyes. The day she had told Meyrin that she wanted to enroll in the Military school, the time she approached the lone red-eyed boy in class, the moment she received her diploma, the notice of how she was assigned to the Minerva with everyone else… And then the time when she first met Athrun and Cagalli, pointing the borrowed gun at them... From when Captain Gladys appointed her the task to spy on Athrun and she learned the existence of the real Lacus Clyne, to when Athrun and Meyrin were shot down by Shinn…

She couldn't tell what was true and what was false any longer. She hugged her legs tighter, while the warm tears continued to roll endlessly down her face. Why did he have to lie to her? He of all people should know what it feels like to loose a family member. And yet he didn't hesitate to shoot down that mobile suit when he knew his friend was in it, when her sister was in it! Why? "Why, Shinn, why…?"

She couldn't forgive him any longer. She tried, him having been one of her best friends, to let the incident slip by, treating it as an accident, as an absolute order that couldn't be helped. She blamed it on Athrun, and even Meyrin for making such a foolish decision. But who was she kidding? The one who had made the action was Shinn. He could've prevented it. He could've captured them and brought them back, but instead he condemned them to death.

'_Sorry…' _He had said, and she didn't hesitate to throw herself at him, crying in his arms…

Why is it that the only person she could turn to at the time had to be him? The person she looked to for comfort was the one who had caused the grief… The one she loved was the one who took her only sister away. Why?

Lunamaria clenched her fists. "Shinn… why do you have to make my life so much harder?"

Meyrin's words echoed in her mind. _'Onee-chan! Stop it! Why are you fighting? What are you fighting for?'_

What was she fighting for? More than ever she felt like a puppet, a doll served under someone absolute… Dullindal. Everything he said they did, she did. In all honesty, she could care less about ORB. To her, it was merely a good place for shopping. She knew almost nothing about the place having only been there once. Everything she learned was from the broadcast on the news, just like everyone else. What say did she have with politics? Nothing. She was just a soldier. She was just Lunamaria Hawke, and all she wanted was to protect her own sister. And she failed…

She screamed silently, and cried until her heart's content, setting loose all the frustration, stress, sorrow, and confusion that had infested her soul.

"Shinn! Oi, Shinn!" Vino's voice rang in the red coat's head as he blinked and looked up at his friend. "Are you sure you really want to add coke in your mashed potatoes?" The boy pointed at the plate in which Shinn had completely made a mess of.

"Huh?" Having been lost in his thoughts, he did not pay attention to what he was putting in his dinner. He frowned disgustingly at the food that now smelled definitely inedible. Shinn pushed his tray away from him, and instead propped his elbow on the table, supporting his head in the palm of his hand as he looked out the window. Of course it being night time, it was completely pitched black outside. Otherwise he would've gotten a quite perfect view of the ocean.

Vino looked at the other mechanic, who only shrugged in return. "Have you seen Luna?" The orange streaked-hair continued when Shinn totally ignored him. Youlan nudged him hard in the ribs with his elbow. "Ow- what-"

He shot a glare at him and motioned for him to zip his mouth shut. Already Youlan had a slight clue of why Lunamaria was so upset. The source was most likely Shinn anyway.

Shinn jerked a bit, his ears taking in everything the other two was saying. "But Youlan, she hasn't come out of her room since who knows when! She's going to starve you know. Heck, she might even be on the floor from dehydration right now without us knowing." Vino noted, waving his fork around. "We should just be thankful that we haven't had a raid or given an order for attack else we'd have to send a half dead girl to battlefield."

Despite knowing that his friend exaggerates everything, Youlan took that as an opportunity and looked over at Shinn. "Shinn, I don't know what happened between you two, but you better go check on her."

"Why me-" Shinn swiftly turned around to protest, but when he saw how serious Youlan's face was, he shut his mouth. "Fine." The pilot pushed his chair back and got out of his seat, proceeding to the exit of the cafeteria.

"And don't forget to bring her dinner!" Vino called out behind.

"Okay, okay." Shinn replied twice in annoyance. Sometimes he just wished he could smack Vino upside the head, hard.

His original plan was to avoid Lunamaria at all cost. He's done enough harm to her already, what more could he say? But leaving her alone like that was just running away from the problems he didn't want to face, and the last thing he needed was to see a starved partner on Minerva, especially if it was because of him.

Carrying a tray of 'tonight's special', he walked down the deserted hall until he reached her room. Knocking twice, he spoke softly. "Luna?" No answer. He knocked again, "Luna, are you there?"

Luna jumped, sitting up on her bed up straight, clinging blanket closer to herself. For almost three days she's locked herself in her room, and wept as she looked at photos of Meyrin and her, and their parents. She recalled falling asleep several times, but every time she woke up again, the same old memories haunted her.

Was it night? Was it day? She had no clue. Her eyelids felt heavy, probably from crying so much. She looked at the door, her chest beating in panic. _'S-Shin?'_ Suddenly she became so aware of the loose white tank top and dark red pajama shorts she was wearing.

"Vino and Youlan are worried about you. I brought you dinner. You better eat it while it's still warm."

'_What about you then? Aren't you worried?'_ She thought. Of course, even if he was, he wouldn't admit it. She'd know that best, having lived with his stubbornness all through military school, but it still hurt when he says it so nonchalantly.

Shinn tapped once more, a bit harder this time. "Luna, I know you're in there." When again he was greeted by silence, he set the tray down on the floor, and about to give up when…

"Go away," a faint voice finally responded. For a moment, Shinn just stood there. Was that really Lunamaria's voice? She sounded so… frail. "I don't want to see you." But the words didn't hurt as much as the expression she had gave him days ago… That look of disappointment pained him more than anything else.

He sighed. "Luna, look-"

"I said I don't want to see you!" She shouted. But it wasn't true. She wanted to see him. She wanted to forgive him and know that everything was going to be all right. She wanted to save him… "What do you want anyway, Mr. Top Ace?"

"Luna…" He bowed in front of the door, despite how she wouldn't be able to see him. "I'm sorry."

'_I'm sorry…'_ The same tone of voice he said when he "killed" Meyrin. Blood rushed to her head as she gritted her teeth. "If you think saying sorry is going to solve the problem, then you're wrong, because if everything was that easy, we wouldn't have been involved in this war." She wasn't going to let him off this time. Today she was going to straighten everything out. "We wouldn't need soldiers, or mobile suits, or this stupid ship!"

"Luna, I-"

But she didn't allow him the chance to protest. "If you think you're the only one who's suffered, then guess again, 'because you're not!" Words came pouring out of her mouth and she couldn't stop her self. "You've been blinded, Shinn. By power, by glory, and by your past." _'Stop it, Luna,'_ she thought. "Is this what you want? Power? What, does being a FAITH not satisfy you enough that you have to go hurting other people too? Must we all suffer the same fate as you?"

"I-I..." He stammered, looking at the palm of his trembling hands. They were covered by blood… Not his blood. Reflections of Mayu and Stellar sparked in his head. _'Hello! This is Mayu, but sorry Mayu can't pick up the phone right now...'_ He backed up until he hit the wall._ 'Shinn… suki'_

"Mayu… Stellar…" He had tried to take what was most precious to her away. He clasped his hands, trying to prevent them from shaking. "I…" He shut his eyes closed. What could he say? He turned around, and after glancing at the door one more time, he left. There was nothing he could do, not after what she had said. She was right, and he couldn't object... He didn't have the rights.

His footsteps were soon drowned by her panting noise. When she was sure he had left, Lunamaria fell back onto the hard mattress and gazed at the ceiling. She wanted to take her words back. This wasn't like her at all taking out her anger on others, but for once she just wanted to let Shinn know what it feels like when he vents on others. She knew how much Shinn has endured as she had experienced the same. But unlike her, he unfortunately can't bring back the dead that he had lost. Why did she have to say such hateful things? She hated herself for pushing all the blames on him, when she knew he didn't deserve it. In the end, they were just hurting each other…

"Luna… you idiot." The girl whispered to herself.

**To be Continued...**


End file.
